NO selling, NO recruiting, NO home parties,& we build the downline for you! Ask to join our group & to check us out.

NO selling, NO recruiting, NO home parties,& we build the downline for you!
Ask to join our group & to check us out.

Real Women Have Curves!!!

By:   Emily Moss

My first boyfriend once told me he liked bigger women because they were better in bed. His logic was that big girls have self-confidence issues, and that they compensate for their less-than-ideal figures by being freakishly awesome (or just plain freakish) in the sack.

If a suitor pulled out a line like that now, I’d head for the hills, but I was young then (and stupid and infatuated). In any case, at least part of his theory was true -- I did have self-confidence issues.

At the time (and I’m embarrassed to admit this now), I was hoping men would like me in spite of my body. I was counting on finding a guy who thought I was so awesome that he could overlook my plus-sized frame. It never occurred to me that my figure wasn’t something to apologize for. Like I said, I was young and naïve.

Now I’m older and wiser, and I scoff at how limited was my understanding of the vast expanses of human desire and attraction. Now I know that people’s tastes are as diverse as there are bodies to appreciate.

If you have any doubts, a trip down the rabbit hole of the world wide web is a fast reminder that people are into all sorts of stuff. There will always be men who enjoy what you’ve got going on, whether you gain a hundred pounds, shave your head, lose a limb, or braid your armpit hair. This much I can promise you. Of course, any of those things will drive some guys away, and that’s fine. They’re just not the guys for you.

The beautiful thing about attraction is that it's a package deal. When we’ve got great vibes with someone, all the good bleeds together. What we like about them obscures -- but doesn’t erase -- the “imperfections” until we see only the appealing.

How many past partners have you had who sported perfect physiques with nary a hair out of place? My own history is populated by guys with bodily features that weren’t society’s ideal. They had beer guts, hairy shoulders, bald spots and toothpick legs. They were shorter, skinnier, wider, or lumpy in all the wrong places. They were human, and I was still into it, perhaps more so because of their 'flaws'.

As women, we devote an incomprehensible amount of time to picking apart our appearance and the appearances of our peers and celebrities alike. Most men are not like that. The stubble you see sprouting from your shins, the pimple on your chin, the late-night Cheetoh's habit that lives on your hips? Most guys don’t notice, and even fewer care. Everything they like about you outweighs the blemishes you fixate on. No man has ever watched a woman undress and then changed his mind about sleeping with her.

And if you stumble on one of those rare men who thinks it’s his right to articulate all the ways in which you’re not a Victoria’s Secret model? Trust me, you don’t want him anyway. Kick him to the curb, obviously, but first take the opportunity to point out his crooked tooth, flabby ass, and sprouting unibrow. We’re not flawless, but neither are they, and none of us should strive to be.

* * * *

Since that first boyfriend with his manipulative big girl theories, my body has changed in good, healthy ways, but I’m still outside the range of what magazines would tell me I should aim for. While my dress size may wax and wane, my mindset towards curvy girl dating has permanently evolved.

There are some guys who are still never going to like what they see, and I’m okay with that. I used to think that it was my problem. I know now that my figure, whatever shape it is or will become, isn’t a flaw to be overlooked, and anyone who sees it as such isn’t worth my time.

Emily Moss

Emily Heist Moss is a 20-something New Englader in love with Chicago, where she works at a tech start-up. She is a weekly columnist at The Good Men Project, and has been published by Jezebel, The Frisky, and The Huffington Post. She blogs daily at RosieSays.com, and can be followed @rosiesaysblog.